And how from this stance, the stance you hold, that all of your experiences become flavored.
Is your stance, Holding your head, ‘Oh shit, what now?’
Is your stance, Holding your belly, ‘Please, no more!’
Is your stance, Eyes shifting, ‘What should I do? What do you want?’
Shay and I played with rubbing our hands together as if waiting for something yummy to be delivered and saying, “I can’t wait to see what happens next.” She powered herself up in that stance.
Sometimes my self-care has to take me by rage and storm. When I’ve ignored my inner tender for so long that the warrior shows up and starts a fight or creates a back ache...
Instead, lately, when I put one hand on my chest, and one hand on my belly, the voice smiles, “Oh, hi honey.” There’s the tender. The self care that is rooted in a LISTENING rather than a DOING.
We ALL have core desired feelings, it’s just a matter of whether we have connected with them yet in our conscious minds. When we haven’t brought our awareness to our feeling motivators, they sometimes come out SIDEWAYS.
The magic comes from CLAIMING what we want, ASKING the universe for it, and then being OPEN to however it might show up for us. The other magic is in the soul sister connections, the edge pushing, the showing up, the vision creating, the spirit guides, the animal messages, the dance videos, and the salami for breakfast. For all of this, I am so so grateful to Hannah and her circle.
Lightbulb. What if…..
I thought of all of us in Boston who still CHOOSE to bring our kids to school and go to work despite the irritating conditions. We are warriors!
I want hot salty baths
Firegazing in the cold air
Sitting shoulder to shoulder with my loves
Relaxed belly, opening hips, opening awareness
Deep laughter with tears, delicious bites and smells
that I want to swim in
Clarity to my words and ease in my work
Pulled towards my progress by gentle unrelenting brilliance
Feeling the fun in all the chaos, feeling the heart in all the pieces.
When I first started working the Desire Map book, I chose ABUNDANT as my core desired feeling (CDF) for the financial area of my life. Of course that’s how I wanted to feel, right? “Cash raining down from the sky” kind of abundant.
There was something missing though in my ability to connect to the feeling of abundant. So in my next round (yes, there will be many), I chose RICH for the financial area of life. This was more of a tactile choice- feeling the richness of cashmere sweaters, drinking expensive coffee, and falling into plush, cozy couches in my living room. I love the word rich, how it rolls off my tongue, but again, I felt the disconnect.
I grew up within a legacy of constant financial anxiety. We were not poor by any means. We ate well, lived in a modest home, had nice things, and took some great vacations. Yet within that life, I always had this feeling that we might run out; that we have to hold on tight or we might not have enough. I know now that I learned that from my parents. And I think my parents learned it from their parents who lived in the scarcity of the Depression. My Nana had a ball of extra rubber bands as big as my head in the drawer next to a pile of twisters from bread bags going back 20 years. Yes, this is the thriftiness that may be a welcome addition in our current world of “throw everything out” but it carried another layer - one of fear and lack.
We could afford so many incredible opportunities yet, there was always this feeling of fear and lack around the family finances. I carry that with me today. It’s deep in my body….will there be enough for me? Will we run out?
And so it recently occurred to me that before I can live inside of RICH and ABUNDANT, I had to really know SECURE. I want to feel security in my financial life. It’s not sexy, but its real as fuck. And it feels good. Real good.
I believe in following my body’s lead, especially my hands and my belly.
I believe in listening deeply with my ears and my heart.
I believe that if I ask a question to the universe and listen for the answers, my path becomes apparent and it is a most magical thread.
I believe in following that magical thread.
I believe in the power of fire. The meditation of staring. The transformation of the wood. The hot.
I believe in the power of water. In the quiet depth of underneath and in the cleansing of a shower.
I believe in the healing power of nature. Being in nature always shifts my perspective.
I believe in love, the power of open hearts, feeling inspired from the inside, and connected to source, people, and self.
I believe that when there are more of us living in the…..sensitive, empathic, open, curious, attentive, connected, awake, spiritual….this world will be an incredibly juicy place to live.
That’s why.
Chinese Medicine (acupuncture and herbs) views the mind, body, and spirit as expressions of the same life force energy - your Qi. Health is the alignment of your Qi flow. To me, health is much more than just a lack of symptoms. When we are healthy, we feel ourselves reaching our potential, following our callings, listening to our intuition, and being fully present in the moments of our lives. We are flexible. We are resilient. We relax. We are present. We are home inside ourselves.
My shelf for reverence. My place for inspiration. My specials.
They used to be filled with delicate rocks and pieces of desert sage placed on meaningful words. Now I see big rocks, my singing bowl, and a half a brick that my 5 year old son Liam added. Sometimes I look and the brick is gone, maybe a pine cone has taken its place. Other times all the special rocks have been loaded into a toy dump truck and are barreling down the hallway to their pretend "construction site".
I don't feel sad or disappointed or annoyed to see my "specials" strewn about our house instead of neatly arranged on my altar. In fact, I think I love that they can play within my sacred space, my reverence.
It moved me to my core and I thought "I want to remember that beginning."
Tonight I was struggling to decide what to write as my first post on this blog. Then I remembered that blessing, that beginning. I realize now that the moment at the lake was the beginning of this - this website, this blog, this new expression of my sacred distillation.
Here we go.
